About he-who-shall-not-be-named-but-happens-to-be-a-city-in-illinois

A Primer

Weluvducsoha is a religion focused around a god, that god is he-who-shall-not-be-named-but-happens-to-be-a-city-in-illinois.
That's not his name, but it would be unpardonable for me to put his real name on the website, lest you accidentally say it.
It is forbidden for ordinarly people, or even cleve-people to say the real name of he-who-shall-not-be-named-but-happens-to-be-a-city-in-illinois.
To do so would bring down great wrath and undoubtedly judgement.
If you really want to be able to say the name of he-who-shall-not-be-named-but-happens-to-be-a-city-in-illinois, you must first become a high cleve-molestor.


Like all gods, he-who-shall-not-be-named-but-happens-to-be-a-city-in-illinois has a number of extraordinary powers that the cleve-molestors, high cleve-molestors, and the molestor of the high cleve can call upon him to exercise.
The first of his powers is the 10,000 decible quack. This violent blast thunders down from his hevenly domain and smites his enemies. The impact of such a blast is total destruction of the enemies of he-who-shall-not-be-named-but-happens-to-be-a-city-in-illinois. Their heads are turned to jelly by the sheer magnitude of the blast.
The second oft thretened punishment rained down by he-who-shall-not-be-named-but-happens-to-be-a-city-in-illinois is a hail of flaiming shit. No, really. At the command of one of the priests or even the cleve-people themselves he-who-shall-not-be-named-but-happens-to-be-a-city-in-illinois may inundate the countryside with these flaming reminents of his last meal.
Thus, it becomes apparent, one would be far better off to not cross he-who-shall-not-be-named-but-happens-to-be-a-city-in-illinois.

The Places of Eternal Suffering

The consequences of disobeying the will of he-who-shall-not-be-named-but-happens-to-be-a-city-in-illinois do not end with a quick, but painful death.
No sir'e, after you die, you may be sent to one of the two places of eternal suffering.
The first the island of eternal tickling, the second the planet of eternal sodomy.
Both of these horrors are pretty much self explanitory, but let us expound on them.
If you were condemned to the island of eternal tickling, you would be tickeled, forever...
Worse even the island of eternal tickling is the planet of eternal sodomy. It would seem the name describes itself, so I won't bother to go into furter detail. It would appear that those of you who are considering blaspheming the name of hwsnbnbhtbacii ought to know better then to chance an eternity on a place like the planet of eternal sodomy, especially if you might be stuck there with some of your worst enemies.

Alas, it has come a time to reveal the third great place of eternal suffering. This time has been precipitated by the sudden appearence of a group of heritics which are beyond belief in their vile ways. They are THE PEOPLE WHO LIKE PIE!
It came to me in a vision from HWSNBNBHTBACII:

I was standing on my roof when a cloth came down from heaven filled with all sort of clean and unclean animals. Then a voice said to me "Go forth, kill and eat." "I cannot, I replied to the voice, which was obviously from HWSNBNBHTBACII, "As a Loyal member of Welvuducsoha, I have never eaten any ducks." I said this for there were many different ducks in the cloth. "You lie!" the voice replied. "Who are you to know!?" I demanded, "You don't even exist!" "That is a good point..." the voice conceeded. "Well, there's one other thing... can you please tell THE PEOPLE WHO LIKE PIE that they are all going to their own place of eternal suffering?" "Sure." "Oh, and tell them that it's called The Realm of Eternal Disco [but no pie]" "Can do," I said, and waved the voice on its way. As soon as it was out of sight, I grabbed all of the ducks in the cloth, which it had forgotten, and fried them up for lent.
Visions from HWSNBNBHTBACII 138/42:831+72.59^5.6

Thus, I am required to proclaim that all PEOPLE WHO LIKE PIE will be condemned to The Realm of Eternal Disco [but no pie].

Another few places of eternal suffering...
The realm of eternal disco. Created by HCM, and PIEist, BC, it was officially recognized by MOHC (the girl) and therefore must exist because like all MOHCs, she is infallible on matters of religion. In addition to the relm of eternal disco there is the new place of eternal suffering. It is the realm of eternal orniloglia, where you are a duck! This relm is recognized by Dr. Jon Brown and the ruler of the Universe Betty! muhahahahah! More about it on the PIE PAGE

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Last updated: November 15, 2003
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