Hurrah!
CP Betty (who also happens to be a Wemonk) has finally finished a list of Dogmatic laws for the Weluvducsomonks!
And there was much rejoycing!

Without further ado...
The list of dogmatic laws for weluvducsomonks:

 
 

Thou shall not eat peaches.

Thou shall not eat carrots.

Thou shall not eat dogs.

Thou shall not declare 42 an evil number.

Thou shall not ridicule white mice.

Thou shall not panic.

Thou shall not eat cucumbers, in a house, during a monsoon, without the aid of a spork

Thou shall not beat the computer.

Thou shall not call Betty crazy.

Thou shall not ridicule that moron Betty and his stupid ways.

Thou shall not join the people who like pie.

Thou shall not beat small animals on Sunday with a noodle.

Thou shall not pet small fury woodland creatures.

Thou shall not go to Sweden.

Thou shall not state that Sweden has a wonderful telephone system.

Thou shall not state that Sweden has fury animals.

Thou shall not speak of the Megestic Moose.

Thou shall not eat small fury woodland creatures.

Thou shall not slight the noble platypus.

Thou shall not eat keys.

Thou shall not write in green composition notebooks.

Thou shall not sleep upside down, attached to a ceiling.

Thou shall not beat thy neighbors with a trout

Thou shall not cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring.

Thou shall not say "Nee".

Thou shall not neglect to say, "it" at least once in ones lifetime.

Thou shall not say spork.

Thou shall not eat grass.

Thou shall not eat paper. (Really, that is rather disturbing)

Thou shall not eat grasshoppers.

Thou shall not perform carpentry in the dark.

Thou shall not eat pictures

Thou shall not eat scuptures

Thou shall not eat ducks.

Thou shall not eat homo-sapiens.

Thou shall not eat a goose.

Thou shall not shave desks, with electric clippers.

Thou shall not accuse acorns of being lazy.

Thou shall not make outrageous claims, such as being the creator of the question mark.

Thou shall not eat melted cheese in mass quantities.

Thou shall not say bungle.

Thou shall not shave small fury woodland creatures.

Thou shall not insult the "Holy Duck".

Thou shall not say "easy as dell" .

Thou shall not repeatedly charge walls.

Thou shall not build rabbits.

Thou shall not use any sacriligeously built wooden rabbits in warfare.

Thou shall not build a badger, when the sacriligeous rabit has been destroyed.

Thou shall not fling ducks in warfare.

Thou shall not fling cows in warefare.

Thou shall not fling any arbitrary item over thy castle walls in warfare.

Thou shall not attack castle walls with thy sword.

Thou shall not debate the possibilities of any bird(s) flying to a temperate zone with a coconut.

Thou shall not bang two empty coconut halves together to simulate the sound of horse foot falls.

Thou shall not defile the name of He-who-shall-not-be-named-but-happens-to-be-a-city-in-Illinois.

Thou shall not deny the fact that if one writes 400 dogmatic laws, one is either a looser, or is mad.

Thou shall not whistle Dixie while on a train.

Thou shall not attack the evil rabit.

Thou shall not waste the "Holy Handgrenade"

Thou shall not eat telephones

Thou shall not eat computer mice.

Thou shall not eat dice

Thou shall not rub the fuzzy dice in a counterclockwise manner more than 42 times

Thou shall not eat small children.

Thou shall not household pets.

Thou shall not steal my cookies

Thou shall not dust, ever.

Thou shall not speak of the W.f.H..

Thou shall not ask what the W.f.H. is.

Thou shall not tell jokes in base thirteen.

Thou shall not throw the letter q into a privet bush.

Thou shall not ride sofas through a space time eddy.

Thou shall not ask who eddy is and what has to do with sofas.

Thou shall not go mad, and pretend to be a lemon.

Thou shall not slaughter thy lemmings.

Thou shall not chant Oogie-Boogie.

Thou shall not speak of the gnomes.

Thou shall not believe any member of the people who like pie.

Thou shall not play the Soviet National Anthem, at 1:41 EDT.

Thou shall not eat light house models.

Thou shall not eat frogs.

Thou shall not forget to lick the magical toad.

Thou shall not toss thy cookies, while riding a tricycle.

Thou shall not eat naturalists.

Thou shall not buy 42 of any items.

Thou shall not state that his Holiness High Cleave Molestor Douglas Adams is stupid.

Thou shall not agree with Mr. North, more than three times a day.

Thou shall not listen to the force 10 people. Ever.

Thou shall not wear colors

Thou shall not streak

Thou shall not purchase items with a sum price of  $42.

Thou shall not shave fish.

Thou shall not ride the pig.

Thou shall not grope anyone on a debate bus.

Thou shall not run the Armageden Krittik.

Thou shall not use the umpa-loompa D.A.

Thou shall not annoy the bus driver.

Thou shall not touch "Rat Food".

Thou shall not play with electrical outlets with thy tounge.

Thou shall not play with poisonous animals.

Thou shall not eat insects.

Thou shall not eat captain crunch cereal.

Thou shall not sniff pixie sticks.

Thou shall not leg' go the ego

Thou shall not watch the price is right

Thou shall not speak of the price is right

Thou shall not like the price is right

Thou shall not listen to the unnameable song.

Thou shall not sing the unnameable song.

Thou shall not like the unnameable song.

Thou shall not attempt window fornication.

Thou shall not like other people.

Thou shall not be cordial.

Thou shall not eat bicycles.

Thou shall not mock the game Myth II.

Thou shall not swim with crazy noodles.

Thou shall not actually read all of the 400 commandments.

Thou shall not loose the Packard in a pothole.

Thou shall not eat old people.

Thou shall not ignore "His Holiness H---".

Thou shall not swim in chocolate pudding.

Thou shall not perform ballet in a meat freezer.

Thou shall not falsely run in a car.

Thou shall not speak of Elvis.

Thou shall not speak of Cleaveland.

Thou shall not shave whales.

Thou shall not remind betty that his aff plan disobeys one of cleaveland's commandments.

Thou shall not eat feathers.

Thou shall not compare a neighborhood to a piece of raw bovine flesh.

Thou shall not ignite canine fecies on the doorstep of a random individual.

Thou shall not play ding-dong-ditch, in summer.

Thou shall not yell the peanut walks by night more than three times in a row.

Thou shall not mock the dancing lobsters.

Thou shall not critisise

Thou shall not milk goats

Thou shall not color thy self green.

Thou shall not lick the inside of a water closet.

Thou shall not eat linolium.
Oh, and lovely page logan, if you want here are the dogmatic laws up to, about 390, I havn't actually counted yet though to be sure...
i'll send you a list in a matching font to the old laws if you want...

Thou shall not beat thy puppy
Though shall not copulate with thy secretary.
Thou shall not give C.P.R. to some one with a bullet wound.
Thou shall not give an award to the C.P.R. giver an award for pumping the victim dry.
Thou shall not call congregating and becoming intoxicated choir practice.
Thou shall not call African-Americans "negros"
Thou shall not call Mexicans "[racially offensive term]s"
Thou shall not call people of sri lanken decent "chinks"
Thou shall not eat "long pork"
Thou shall not eat anything in a restaurant that serves "long pork"
Thou shall not eat computer speakers
Thou shall not eat electrical plugs.
Though shall not eat prolix.
Thou shall not inquire what prolix is.
Thou shall not lick thy agenda, on a Friday, at 11:59.09 PM.
Thou shall not eat small spherical glass paper wheits.
Thou shall not spend any more time than is nessisary at the mimiograph machine.
Thou shall not insert floppy disks into any bodily orophises.
Thou shall not have lesbian-doll-orgies.
Thou shall not drink "French" dressing.
Thou shall not consume any beverages containing the substance, molasice.
Thou shall not eat ant eggs.
Thou shall not eat thy aunt, in any meaning of the word.
Thou shall not say thesaurus, but oglie-boogly.
Thou shall not eat large books.
Thou shall not write the upper-case letter "l" for amusement.
Thou shall not eat goat fur.
Thou shall not listen to Ionix's Mini.
Thou shall not join the wemonks unless one is willing to contribute to the religion.
Thou shall not beat thy guitar on the floor or on the walls.
Thou shall not beat thy monkey.
Thou shall not spit on thy monkey.
Thou shall not neglet to mock Mr. Abadeer.
Thou shall not rape animals.
Thou shall not ejaculate into salmon eggs.
Thou shall not mark all of the nude pictures in national geographic.
Thou shall not point out that Mr. Abadeer is the cause for this law and the previous one.
Thou shall not eat photographs of nudes.
Thou shall not state that one is confused by the simple 400 contridictory commandments.
Thou shall not cut the head of thy childs turtle off for no good reason.
Thou shall not play thy guitar in school.
Thou shall not ignite cow flatuants.
Thou shall not self flagulate.
Thou shall not lick the screen of thy computer why "Mavis Beacon" ocuppies it.
Thou shall not screen the web site.
Thou shall not neglect to accept donations from gut-sucking lizards.
Thou shall not eat lasers.
Thou shall not sell indulgences.
Thou shall not shave with compact disks.
Thou shall not shave with a jagged piece of glass.
Thou trim thy llama.
Thou shall not eat hooves.
Thou shall not lick goat udders.
Thou shall not confuse goat udders with oat-gutters.
Thou shall not deny that faries wear boots.
Thou shall not state that all organisms are made of fairy dust.
Thou shall not whistle tip-toe through the gator farm.
Thou shall not wrestle alligaters for amusement.
Thou shall not eat raw herrings.
Thou shall not send thy horse to the knacker untill thy horse is weak.
Thou shall not lick lighters.
Thou shall not scorch thy computer moniter.
Thou shall not rip open calculater boxes.
Thou shall not lick whales.
Thou shall not lick floppy disks.
Thou shall not lick great litterature and holy books.
Thou shall not lick "Goat Man".
Thou shall not lick any relative closer than a second cousin.
Thou shall not lick goats.
Thou shall not lick telephone booths.
Thou shall not lick gum stuck to the bottom of stationary objects.
Thou shall not lick thy puppy's ear.
Thou shall not lick a desk foot.
Thou shall not lick thy bathtub.
Thou shall not lick thy sink.
Thou shall not neglect to lick the ear of a random person, once a lifetime.
Thou shall not lick war dolphins.
Thou shall not lick Orca-bomber.
Thou shall not beat thy forhead with a board.
Thou shall not say bird, birdie, birdie, birdie.
Thou shall not sing of Taco Bell's "Macho Burrito".
Thou shall not state that thy self is a ventriquist in a song.
Thou shall not use gopher-chucks lightly.
Thou shall not fish in thy nieghbors well.
Thou shall not give thy wife a grand piano, but an upright organ.
Thou shall not compare virginity to a bubble.
Thou shall not call Zoel's sister a "[pond trapezeing]" or a "very *friendly* person".
Thou shall not speak of weluvducsoha in the presence of thy teachers.
Thou shall not draw beards on pictures of wemon.
Thou shall not eat lighter fluid.
Thou shall not munch capeting.
Thou shall not feed thy animals on the week following Febuary 30.
Thou shall not ignore thy pig dog.
Thou shall not commit the horrible act of cat juggling.
Thou shall not eat metal sporks.
Thou shall not neglect to fast from Saturday night to Sunday morning, when so inclined.
Thou shall not atempt to preform sex with a wine bottle opener.
Thou shall not disobey this commandment.
Thou shall not read this commandment.
Thou shall not engage in sexual intercourse with household appliances.
Thou shall not sacrifice animals to other gods.
Thou shall not fumble the last 5 of the 15 christian commandments.
Thou shall not use mandely.
Thou shall not speak of mandely.
Thou shall not state the "p" word.
Thou shall not read this commandment.
Thou shall not dream of hermafridites.
Thou shall not neglect to yell "rape of Nan King" in the presence of a japaneese person.
Thou shall not shave another mans gooch.

Thou shall not forsake Dr. Skipper.

Thou shall not deny ones gooch of the bliss of a Dr. Skipper.

Thou shall not breast feed off a man.
Thou shall not color thy self fuchia.
Thou shall not tickle a man with any outcropings.
Thou shall not ingest green tubeflex worms.
Thou shall not rectally place the mouth piece of a trumpet
Thou shall not progect ones genitals beyond the length of 10 miles.
Thou shall not call the people in his mothers car stupid for asking directions to the lake.
Thou shall not state "that is the [holy excriment]".
Thou shall not state thou.
Thou shall not write thou.
Thou shall not stop the Dust.
Thou shall not skinny dip in fargo.
Thou shall not mention Scott School.
Thou shall not sniff prolix.
Thou shall not doubt thy own debating power.
Thou shall not call Betty "Little Biscut".
Thou shall not make betty go varsity aff.
Thou shall not beat thy goobershict.
Thou shall not grope a goose.
Thou shall not search for thy scanner.
Thou shall not neglect to sleep.
Thou shall not listen to Wesly the worm-tonge.
Thou shall not call my dad the old man.
Thou shall not rip ones underware with a fart.
Thou shall not eat small replicas of military vehicles.
Thou shall not choke on thy flavibajavon.
Thou shall not heed thy wise frog.
Thou shall not inquire when ones drivers ed class ends.
Thou shall not search for the scanner.
Thou shall not ask about the weather.
Thou shall not neglect to realize that Arrow is an inside doggie.
Thou shall not neglect to swallow small rocks to aid ones gizzard.
Thou shall not nuh-nuh thy uk-boohs.
Thou shall not help thy oat-gutters, milk oats.
Thou shall not state the condition of thy toast.
Thou shall not castrate thy animals.
Thou shall not pester my huklio-bunch.
Thou shall not say fronky-tinglers.
Thou shall not hole-up in a goat meat freezer on the third Friday count.
Thou shall not cook thy holy turkey on a day of thanks.
Thou shall not neglect to put mayo on a grilled cheese sandwich.
Thou shall not jelly thy cranberries.
Thou shall not place ones phone in a jello mold.
Thou shall not state "sitting on a park bench".
Thou shall not rip apart thy rectium-peteluia
Thou shall not tear out thy neighbors eyes and make a pudding with them.
Thou shall not thou shall not give back said pudding as a piece offering.
Thou shall not eat sterio keys.
Thou shall not eat a fifteenth century piano with mustard.
Thou shall not listen to B.C.
Thou shall not attend catholic masses.
Thou shall not eat thy fingers for amusement.
Thou shall not use ratburt to signify ones presence.
Thou shall not lick the mint flavoring off of mint dental floss.
Thou shall not cough up thy lickton-vash.
Thou shall not pummel thyself with glass orbs.
Thou shall not stare directecly into anothers belly button.
Thou shall not end every sentece with "in accordance with the proficy"
Thou shall not find one lousy candle.
Thou shall not wear lime green shoes.
Thou shall not neglect to aknowledge the difference between lime and spearmint green.
Thou shall not eat the eight ball.

 


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